Momfuel & Mindset - Episode 13: The Working Mom Struggle

Being a working mom often means juggling career, family, responsibilities, and a mental load that never seems to shut off. In this episode of MomFuel and Mindset, we talk about the real pressures working moms face and the mindset shifts that can help you create more balance, clarity, and confidence while navigating both work and home life. If you're doing your best to hold it all together while still trying to take care of yourself, this conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We're back. It's your mom friends. I'm Chrissy. And I'm Jess. And today we are talking about working moms and the mental load no one talks about. Being a working mom often means juggling career, family, responsibilities, and a mental load that never seems to shut off. In this episode of Mom Fuel and Mindset, we talk about the real pressures working moms face and the mindset shifts that can help you create more balance, clarity, and confidence while navigating both work and home life. If you're doing your best to hold it all together while still trying to take care of yourself, this conversation is for you. This is one that I think that a lot of moms are going to be able to relate to. I know that it is both true for you and myself. Being a working mom is hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Yeah. I mean, I I can't I've never been a mom who doesn't work. Maybe when I was on maternity leave, but that's about it. And that I mean, we could talk a little bit about that today, too. Is like, what does it look like when we go back to work and how difficult that is. But yeah, I don't know what it's like to be a stay-a-home mom. And there are parts of me that are a little envious of that. But I don't know that I could ever not work. I think it's just part of who I am.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah, I've taught I've talked a lot about even on the podcast, about how I loved my job. I I like having a career was something that I always wanted. I like being, you know, just I like having systems and being driven. And I I found a job that I do very well in, not even in a financial aspect, but just in like, I like what I do. And so 13 years ago, when Deegan was born, we weren't even in a position to be able to that I would be able to stay home. Like we needed two incomes to survive. So it was never an option for me to stay home with him. And I was okay with that because that I was, you know, that's what I was gonna do. I wanted to have my job. I wanted to be able to balance both. But the thing that nobody talks about, or nobody, even if we did talk about it, nobody could prepare you for going through that. And at six weeks old, I had to drop him off to my best friend and drive to work. And it crushed me. And I sobbed to and from work for months and just something shifted in me. I still loved my job, but I just was never mentally prepared for the feeling of here you go. Like this little baby is just this newborn, so precious, so tiny. I feel so connected. I just want to love him. I just want to like, but that wasn't in my cards. And so I had to go on, you know, I had to go on in this new journey of learning and understanding like how to try and balance it. And to be honest with you, I did not do it well for a long time. It just in the just in the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. Right. And every new phase of parenting comes with, you know, there's no manual. There's no, like, like we talked about in the episode talking about adult children. You said, I we don't even know what you're doing until you're an adult parent of an adult child. You don't know what you're doing. So every phase of this newborn, every phase of Deegan's life, I was learning as I as I went. I've always been a working mom. I've never been, I've never been a stay-at-home mom. I did go through some changes in my career to try and help me spend more time at home. So I dropped to part-time, I worked nights for a few years, I started doing like different things. But ultimately, I always had a job or two or three in an effort to kind of maneuver a schedule so that I could, you know, I wanted nothing more than to be able to drop him off at preschool and pick him up. And with him, I wasn't able to. It wasn't until Briley came along that I was able to kind of make some adjustments in my schedule to be able to spend more time ultimately with them. But my career is important to me. Do love, you know, and it has shifted over the years. You know, I still work full-time and then I I do, I run happy moms and stuff, you know, nights, weekends, after hours. Helping people is my passion. That's what I love to do. And so I'll always do it. And I don't think that I could ever not do something like that. You know, like I feel like I feel empty or useless if I'm not helping somebody. I want, I have this desire, and I think that I'll always have it. Whatever it looks like, that that may pivot and change throughout the years, but being able to do something that's mine and grow. And I think it's important for me to see my kids, have my kids be a part of that. I'd love for them to be entrepreneurs. I'd love for them to learn how to make their own money or help people or do something like that. But I'll be honest with you that for in those beginning years, like there was a ton of guilt. There was a ton of uncertainty. There was a ton of like, what does this look like? How am I affecting my kids? How am I, you know, how is this path going to ultimately affect them? And it's taken me a long time. It's taken me a really long time. I mean, they're 10 and 13 now, and I still don't always get it right, you know. Like Briley tonight, today, she's like, You're always working. It's like, well, that's not true. Let's think about our, you know, the kids can come up with some irrational stuff. Like their thoughts take over and they'll say things like, You're always working, or, you know, every night you're on calls and I have to say, okay, let's look at the calendar and let's look at, you know, the when I am on calls and stuff like that, and just, you know, to bring them back in. And but they know how important this work is to me, which I think is it's important for me to for them to be aware, you know. They want to be on the podcast, they want to be a part. If I go live, they want to be involved. So, which is cool. That means that's showing them that, you know, that there is interest there and there is some things that they feel connected to because of my work, because of what we do. But I want them to understand there is value. There is value in this. It doesn't make it easy though. I will say that it does not always make it easy.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

No, it's it's all about balance, but what is balance and what what balance looks like for you, Jess, looks very different for me. You know, I think I I think back to my 18-year-old self when I graduated high school and I knew I wanted to go in the field of social work. So I started at a group home for adults with severe and persistent mental illness. 18 years young, I walk into my interview. I'm like, you know, you should hire me. You know, I just graduated high school and I have a passion for this work, and that's about all I can give you. Uh, and they did. They hired me, and that was the beginning of my career when I was 18, but I did, I did become a mom at 19. So balancing work, school, kids was a lot. You know, as you said, all the things that we we experience when we're chopping off our babies at the the daycare or relative or whatever the case is, I mean, that's just one piece of it, right? The sleepless nights, the running around like a chicken with its head cut off, like trying to do all the things and really never doing anything well. Because what do they say, Jess? If everything's a priority, nothing is a priority. And that was my life for a lot of my adulthood. I've talked a lot about how I've lived in kind of survival mode for most of my adult life. And it's not like bad survival, it's just really, really burden the candle at both ends, right? Raising a family, trying to be everything to my kids, putting everything I have into my work, having nothing left to give when I get home from work to my kids. We're gonna do an episode on single parenting as well. And I mean, I have a lot of um experience with that. Much of my adult children's upbringing was when I was a single parent. And so, you know, my perspective from from that as well, like you you just do what you gotta do to get through. And then you're like, how the heck did I even do that? I was just like literally an autopilot, and so I feel like we have to slow down and really take stock into what's important. And I love how you say just like let's look at the calendar, let's say, yes, your kids might feel like you're busy all the time, and in that in their little world, maybe that's true, and it's not true, and really taking out the calendar and let's like break it down and look at that together. I think that's really cool for them. And the fact that they're looking up to you and they want to be part of what you're doing speaks volumes. You know, seeing our adult children now and how they're all very successful and working really hard and have goals and going to college and all the things, like they are just doing what they know. That's how they were raised. And so, as hard as it was, it really did turn out okay. And I think that's what is important. Sometimes we hold ourselves to a standard that we may or may not be able to meet. Like, we hold ourselves very high, and sometimes there are unrealistic expectations, and so really understanding like we're doing the best we can, and I say this every episode, I feel like, and sometimes it has to be good enough. We have to allow ourselves grace in this space to like figure out who we are beyond being you know, moms. If you have a crew, I have a career that I absolutely love, and I will pour everything into it, and I also really love my family, and I will pour everything into that, and that is okay. That is okay. So, for those people that feel like they have to choose one or over the other, they have to have a career and no kids or no kids, you know, kids and no career, I have to be a stay-at-home mom, like both worlds can't exist. You just have to be intentional with both worlds.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Oh my gosh, I'm writing so fast over here because I have there's so many things that I hit on. So the mental load, I wrote down the mental load because being everything for everybody, everything at work, everything at home, that takes a mental toll. And when you're living in survival mode, if we're not prioritizing ourselves first, if we're not prioritizing sleep and nutrition and journaling and just making sure that we're okay so that we can show up the best we can. During different seasons of different life, it's going to look different. And we've talked in the past. I I'm, you know, Chrissy has said, like, whatever that looks like, like that looks different right now, and that's okay. Whatever the best is right now is okay. And so if you're a working mom with very little, it's gonna look a lot different than like Christy and I right now, who are working moms with older kids who are a little more self-sufficient. Working outside the home versus working in the home, you know, like owning your own business versus leaving and going to an office. Like all of these seasons and all of these things factor into it. But whatever it looks like right now is okay. And just making sure that you're prioritizing yourself so that you can show up in this season the best you can, because the mental load can be absolutely deteriorating, right? Like it can break you down if we are not careful, where then you find yourself living in mom guilt. Because the next thing I wrote down is whatever you want is okay. Like it, I feel like society right, paints pictures for us that and creates these unrealistic expectations of what it is we as moms should want and should do. And I know that it's very easy to feel guilt for working, whatever that looks like. There. So if you are, you know, a corporate, you know, climbing a corporate ladder, or you are in the mental health facility or field, or if you are own your own business and when you own your own business, it feels like you could be working around the clock all of the time. And a lot of people do things like this so that they can have more time with their kids. And then you're like, I'm taking time away from them because I wanted to do this. And and, you know, all of these thoughts can create havoc in your brain and it makes you doubt what you're doing, or it can make you doubt your desires. I am a mom, but I'm also a person outside of that, and that is okay. And I just kept circling, it's okay. Whatever, if you want if you want a career, that's okay. What we have to hone in on and work on is one, taking care of your mental health so that you can show up each day more clear-headed and being like, okay, setting clear boundaries. This is what it's going to look like today. You know, Chrissy works in that mental health field where like you have to be very intentional, which I'd love for you to touch on, being intentional with setting those boundaries and trying to leave work at work and coming home so that you can be present for your kids. My job is not as mentally taxing, where when I close my computer, I don't really think about, you know, the nano world where Chrissy is dealing with some heavier stuff. And that's a little more difficult. And so wherever you are, trying to create boundaries so that you can be present at home. But that's but being okay, I think that's one of the things I want moms to walk away with today is that if you are a working mom, whether you want to be or not, right? Because there's that other piece that moms do struggle with. I have to work. I have to work and I don't want to. I wish I could stay home with my kids. And I feel that too because that's how I felt when I dropped Egan off. I no longer cared about my job. In those moments, because that was my feelings talking. It wasn't anything other than a rush of emotions that was doing my thinking for me, where I would have said, I don't even care. I don't care about anything else. I just care about being with this kid. I care about loving my baby. I care about being the one who's with him all the time. When in reality, I am a person who really does like to work. I like my job. I like what I do. So would that have been, would I have been good at just being home with him? I don't know. You know, like those are things I think about when I don't know that it was my head and my heart connected talking about what it is that I actually wanted. I feel like it was just a rage of emotions that were doing the talking for me. But yeah, good to make decisions when you're when it's just this, you know, emotional, we talk about not thinking clearly. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah. Yeah, all of that, Jess. And you know, you you touched upon like the heaviness of the work. And there's a lot of people that do, you know, heavy work, whether if it's in the mental health field or, you know, other fields as well. And quite honestly, I didn't balance it out for much of my career. You know, I'm in year 25 now, that work, and I struggled with that balance for most of that time. You know, it's hard to turn it off. And then you get this, and I hate to say it, and I don't, and I don't sound, I don't want to sound like I'm important, but you get this like I'm really important. I have important stuff to do, so I need to like be on the clock all the time, basically. And so you don't turn it off, you get work email on your personal phone, you live and and breathe it. I I said for a long time that my career got the best of me, my kids got the rest of me. I am not proud of that. And do I wish I could take some of it back? Absolutely. I was doing the best I could at the time, and so now that I know better, I do better and I have put more balance in my life. I am more intentional. I go to bed earlier than I typically would, so I can read to decompress, get off my phone, just get lost in a really good book. I've found little ways like self-care or pouring back into yourself doesn't have to be massages and foot soaks and all these extravagant things. They could be very small things that you put into your day, spending time with family, friends, loved ones, putting fun on your calendar, doing things that you enjoy to help balance out the hard is super important. And everybody is busy to some extent. Whether if you're working and raising a family or only working or raising a family primarily, whatever it is, everybody's busy in their own way, and we still have to make time for that. And if we don't make time for it, we're gonna get lost in all the things that life needs from us, and we're gonna get lost on social media and the comparison game and all the things. So, really being intentional with that has been a huge shift for me over the past couple of years. There are times when I'll take, you know, social media and work email off my personal phone. I actually got a second phone so I could put just work stuff on the second phone and take all work stuff off my personal phone, and that has helped set a very solid boundary for me too, because I needed something because I tend to go back to old habits, old habits die hard, and I am someone that will work around the clock. I will, I know myself, and so really for me, I needed like a hard break. So getting that second line has been very helpful for me as well. But then again, that's one aspect of it. It's really being intentional with the time that we spend with our family, too. And when we get home and we're tired, we don't feel like cooking dinner dinner, we don't feel like playing a game, we don't feel like having small talk or talking about the the day because like I'm talked out. Like I just can't take one more story, I can't take one more anything, I'm at my max capacity. So, really just trying to find a way to balance that is so important. And I don't think we talk about it enough. I don't think this is a conversation that we have at the dinner table, or we're intentional with these conversations and we just go through the motions every single day. And what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So if we want something different, we have to do something different. And and I will never not work, you know, I will never not work, and I can have better balance.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

I love all of this because it is super important. I don't think we talk about this enough. I know that when I was going through when Degan was younger and I was going through, you know, some of these different emotions about work and what it looks like. I it it didn't come out in healthy communication. Like it came out in anger and resentment and all these things. And Jim was probably like, what is going on? But never once did I say, like, hey, I'm feeling a certain way about this shift. Like never once did we have these conversations about this. And looking back now, like maybe I didn't think he would understand. Maybe I didn't think right, like maybe you're thinking my partner's gonna be like, well, you have to work because that's just an option. And it's like, that may be true, but let's communicate. Like, I want to get this off my chest. I want to be able to explain to you how I'm feeling right now. And I know, you know, looking back now, I had to work. I understand that. But like I'd like to let's open these lines of communication. Let's help in what healthy communication looks like. Let's have these conversations around a dinner table at night when you're laying in bed, just being like, I'm feeling a certain way. I'd love to normalize being able to communicate what we're going through so that we can like we have partners for a reason. Like if we, if we have a spouse or we have a partner, or we even have just a girlfriend, like to be able to call Christy and be like, help me work through these feelings instead of feeling like I need to keep them inside and bottled up and like it's uncertain. Maybe I'm making a wrong choice, like what is going on? I don't know how to navigate this. Okay, you're right, because you don't know how to navigate it, and that's okay. Like, let's normalize being able to say, hey, I'm going through this situation. Or, hey, I feel wicked guilty about loving my job. Like I feel, you know, I'm missing out on something and I, you know, but I love my job. And then I feel like between between a rock and a hard place, like I'm missing out here, I'm missing out here, and I feel like I'm failing everybody involved. So, how do I navigate that? Like, I think it just for me, I want it to become a staple in every mom's life that it's okay to talk about the stuff that we're going through. Like it's okay to have these conversations and really phone a friend or, you know, talk with a spouse and just be like, hey, I just need you to listen. I just need to get this off my chest. And let's work together to figure out where this is stemming from. Let's get to the root of it. Let's let's look out and rationalize are these feelings valid? Or is it my emotions taking over and it's not real life? Like there's how do we, you know, how do we walk through it, talk through it, whatever? Because, like you said, we don't talk about this stuff. And that's where anger builds, that's where resentment builds, that's where the mom guilt really festers because we don't know what, you know, we're like left here trying to figure it out on our own. And how do we figure it out on our own when we can't even rationalize our own thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Well, and then we see everything on social media. We see all these people who are appearing to balance work and family life, and they have all these beautiful pictures and all these things. What am I doing wrong? And the shame associated with that. Like you feel like you you're not good in anything that you do, you're not your best self. And so, yeah, I think that I think having the conversations opens up our ability to be able to kind of process some of these feelings in understand that we're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah. That's why I love this podcast because we're talking about the stuff that 13 years ago, I thought it was just me. I thought it was just me who had gone through. And through the last 13 years, I've changed through so many different seasons of my life. But every single one of them, it was like I was the only one in the world who was going through something like this. And it's like having the conversations and opening up and saying, Hey, no, I have felt that too. Every time I share something, somebody comes in my inbox and is like, Thank you for sharing that. I that's me. That's me. How did you do it? How do you get through it? Because that's where I am right now. And it's like, holy moly, we're not having enough conversations about this. And the world we live in is that it wants to create this picture with social media and all just media in general, right? That like it's not real. Everybody posts their higher light real. Everybody posts, you know. I apologized a few episodes ago talking about when I met with my friend Chrissy and Kim, and Kim said something to me about it. And I laughed and I apologized that I ever gave off that vibe that I have it all together, because I certainly do not. And so that's the that's unfortunate power of social media, is it makes it look like people have it all together when in the background they are struggling. And so that's what we want to do. We want to bring these conversations to the ears of listeners where they can be like, it's not just me. It's not just me, because that's what we want you to know is that it's not just you. Moms everywhere are struggling with these certain situations and they feel like they're alone. And we're here to tell you that you're not alone by any means. I did write down self care versus pampering because this is something that I bring up quite frequently in Happy Moms is that we as, you know, sometimes we see self care as like, I need to go, I want to go get a manicure or a pedicure. Go get a facial because that's taking care of me. That's my self-care. Self-care Sunday. I'm gonna put on an eye mask and I'm gonna, and it's like I talk to the girls all the time. That is self-care versus pampering. Pampering is going and having a spa day, and you and we all deserve that. I'm not I'm pro-pampering, trust me. But self-care is what we can do every day. What are the small things Chris talked about, which is weeding into your day? You know, like quiet time, movement, reflection, journaling. We're both avid, you know, advocates for journaling, stepping away from constant productivity. Like, what can we do to slow down and be super intentional with our time? If we look at only the next 24 hours in front of us, in those 24 hours, do we have to do? And then where are the spots of time that we can get outside and get some fresh air and some sun on our face? Where can we sit down with a journal and just write down where we are in life and jot down some thoughts? Where can we, you know, just sit in quiet in the morning? Like, where are the pieces of time that we could just pause for five minutes and really allow ourselves to rejuvenate? That is, to me, the difference between self-care and pampering. So I just want to put that in there because that is something that, you know, the the women that I do work with and chat with are like, well, you know, I did, I do have an appointment on this calendar for, you know, seven weeks from now, I'm gonna give myself a little self-care. Sister, that is not self-care. That is pampering. And I'm proud of you for putting that on that calendar and you deserve to go get pampered. But can you drink some water today? Because that's self-care.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yes. Yeah, the small little things that you just have to be intentional with every day. And I like to say self-care instead of self-sacrifice because I think a lot of us moms, moms, are often, you know, sacrificing ourselves for the good of our kids and our family. And then we do the same for work too. So, you know, it we have nothing left to give ourselves. So start thinking about the little things. Drink your water, move your body, go to bed a little early, journal, whatever that looks like for you. Last weekend, um, I didn't have any plans on Saturday. I forced, forced myself to be bored. I don't do bored well. I'm very proud of you. So that so that was an intentional thing that I did instead of like taking on a new project or working on a task that I've left unfinished or whatever it is, like I forced myself to be bored. I'm not saying that you have to do that, but that was something that I needed to do to kind of reset myself. So just be intentional with the things that you're doing for yourself. I think is super important.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Yeah, I agree. We talk about being intentional every single episode because I think that that is one of the core pieces that will literally change where you are versus where you want to be. It's the only thing that is going to help you get you from a burnt out, overwhelmed, overstimulated, you know, kind of state to okay, what do I want my life to look like? What kind of mom do I want to be? What kind of working mom do I want to be? Because you can do can do both well if we're super intentional with our time, with our boundaries, with protecting your own space, protecting your energy, protecting who you are and what you want. You know, speaking about social media and just that comparison piece, we kind of tend to draw, we can kind of draw comparisons and come up with what we think life should look like based off of what we're seeing from other people. And I shared with Chrissy earlier this morning that, like, I am guilty of feeling like I need to do things based off of what other creators are doing. And I was reminded this week that, like, no, it's your story, it's your goals, it's your plans. Like, your life is yours and what you want, you get to choose that. And then guess what? Put the blinders on. Like, allow yourself to carry out those goals and that desire because what what it looks like for you is not what it's gonna look like for somebody else. And that's okay. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. And I'll actually go as far as saying, like, you're being true to yourself and being intentional, like that is way cooler. It's gonna be a way easier journey than trying to jump around and figure out what everybody else is doing and and holding yourself to those expectations. I wrote down confidence, confidence in where you are, you know, being okay with deciding what Chrissy's talked before in multiple episodes about your family values. Like, what do you want as a working mom? What do you want that to look like? What is your, what is a priority to you? Because you can do both well. You have to get really clear on what your values are and what you want, how you want to show up as a mom, how you want to show up as a working mom and what you want that to look like. Chrissy talked about taking the work things off of her phone. Like Jimmy and I have had this conversation because we'll be laying sitting on the couch and like we'll say to the kids, you know, iPads away, like we're just gonna spend time together or whatever. And Jim will be on his phone. And he's like, Well, I got an order. And it's like, okay, but we can't yell at them and tell them that they can't be. There's gotta be some kind of boundaries because what are we teaching them? I wrote that down. Like, what are we teaching? Our kids, I'll always bring it back to that. It's okay for them to see us work. I'll even go as far as saying it's good for them to see us work. It's good for them to see us, you know, take things that were the responsibility and, you know, like to take pride in your work and talk about it. I but I want them to see healthy boundaries. I want them to learn that working around the clock and, you know, not making time to sit around the dinner table and just talk to each other, like that's not what I want. I want them to set have healthy boundaries around the work life balance. Like, I want them to be instilled by seeing, like, when they look back on their childhood, what did they see their parents do when it came? Like, what does their parents' work life look like to them in 20 years looking back? Right? Like these are questions we can ask. Like, do they see them running ragged? Do they see them running on E? Do they see them, you know, overstimulated and reactive with their kids because they constantly got a hundred things going on? Or do they see healthy, like we can have conversations with the kids about work and what that looks like and responsibility, and that's all good stuff. But we get to choose what we what we want that to look like. And then it's on us to implement that. And in order to do that, right, we do have to alleviate the burnout, alleviate the ways that we do become overreactive. And and because we are trying to juggle so much, everybody needs you. You're always going to be needed at work and at home and in different areas, volunteering in the kids' schools, things like that. Where can we set boundaries and where can we really focus inward first so that we can show up well for everybody?

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Yeah, I love that. I really think when I think about my kids and what how I raised them, you know, they they saw someone that was running ragged. They saw someone that was exhausted all the time, they saw someone that I mean, I s I I like to say that I mean they did have a good childhood, but I know that I was exhausted all the time and and someone that worked around the block. And so, you know, I can see some of that in them as well. I'd like to think that they have a little bit better balance than I did. And of course, you know, they've got a village too around them, you know, so things look a little different for them. And that's that's another thing. Use your people, ask for help if you need it. Have your kids help around the house, have them do chores, you know, and don't feel like you have to pay them allowance because you're family and everybody pitches in. Like everybody has their part. Ask for help, use your village, and if you don't have one, get one, get friends, join a community center, go meet new people, find a village. I know it's easier said than done, and depending on where you live and all the things, and you'll never get a village if you're not intentional about it. So if you need one, start there because you can't do this alone. You need help, whether if you're in a in a relationship, a marriage or not, you still need a village.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Yeah, that control piece. I think moms in general struggle with that control piece because we are kind of the core, you know, what do they call it? Chaos coordinator. Like we are the ones to kind of be in control of all the things and then add a job and a career on top of that. And you're responsible for things in your career. And it's just, you know, it's hard to then move from that to home and be like, oh, okay, like release all the control. So we tend to struggle with control. And I think that you're right, asking for help. We've talked about this in an episode before about like not carrying how he loads the dishwasher or letting the kids put their laundry away, even if it looks like a tornado, like allowing them to take a piece because you do not have to do it all. There's you only have so much energy. Would you rather have your energy be in doing these superficial things around the house because you want it done a certain way? Or would you rather have the energy left over at the end of the day to be able to sit down and play Uno with the kids and laugh? To be able to listen to their stories without feeling like you're getting overstimulated, to be able to just sit in quiet and not feel like you have nine things going through your brain that you need to get done because you didn't get the laundry finished or you didn't get this done or you didn't get like there's so there's always going to be something to do. But what do you want your energy left over for? And if we can kind of relinquish some of that control, maybe just maybe we'll start to feel this peace or this weight lifted of I'm managing it all, to I'm managing what matters. And I'm able to then really enjoy and be present in the moments. Every day, every minute, you have a choice that you can make in allowing that mental load to really bring you down and feel like you're not enough, or choose to be confident in the season that you're in, in that when you said when you know better, you do better. Like, okay, I'm now aware of what's going on. I'm aware of the season that I'm in. And I know that I want to see, I want my energy poured into X, Y, and Z because those are my values. That's where I want to be, that's where I want my energy to go. That's what I want my kids to remember.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

It can be really hard. It can suck. And and you can, you can, you can stay there. Like, this is really hard. This sucked. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know how I'm gonna get out of it. And I know staying here is not a choice. So I need to do something different. I need to make a different choice. I can't keep running ragged. I can't keep working around the clock. It's not good for me, it's not good for my family, it's not good for my work. So, what does that look like? How can I just do one thing differently? And small changes every day creates big impact. So, really figuring out like what parts working for you, what parts not working for you, and starting there. Awareness is key for sure.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Awareness is key. Absolutely. I totally agree. And like you said, your kids had a your older, the adult kids had a great childhood. You've instilled with them, you know, work ethic. They are great, productive humans in this society. You well done. Like you did a great job in the in the season you were in, and you did an incredible job with what you had. And you also now know better, and now you can share with other people. Like I do believe there is not a single piece of our stories that are wasted. And just because we did the first 20 years, you know, for me, the first 13 years a certain way doesn't mean that I'm gonna do the next 13 years the same way. I know better, I'm gonna do better. And I hope that by sharing our stories and saying, hey, this is how we did it, and this is what we would have changed, this is what I wish somebody had told me. Like that's the goal is to just help somebody who may be in the season you were in 20 years ago, where they're saying, I'm doing it on my own and I'm working and I'm running myself ragged. There is a different way. Like there is a different way that you can do it. And learning from other people and surrounding yourself with people who have done it or done it differently, who are sharing advice. You know, the we've talked about the people you surround yourself with matter. Whether it's your virtual virtual world's okayest podcasters, Christy and Jess, or it's, you know, a community around you who is just supporting you, creating your own village. Like that all really does matter because you learning and growing, the awareness piece of it is everything. How you've done it is great. Like we there's no shame in anybody's stories, in anybody's journey. What has gotten you to hear? We've said it before, we'll say it again. You've did the best you could with where you were at. But then moving forward, the awareness piece is the game changer. When you know better and you can do better, that's when things really start to change.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Really does. You know, and when as you were talking, it made me think of, and I know we're probably coming to time, but I was chatting with my oldest son the other night, and we were um reminiscing about some old times in our childhood and stuff. And one of his biggest gripes, okay, now get this, this is how hard he had it. One of his biggest gripes was that his sister, who was two years younger than him, was allowed to have the TV every morning before school. So they were supposed to have every other day, they would share, but somehow Maddie would weasel her way into getting the TV every day. And that was like, and it made me so mad. That is your biggest issue from your childhood. I think I didn't know. I think that is hysterical. And I mean, we could go on about that too, right? Feeling like his sister always got what you know first and he was less than, you know, we could go on down a rabbit hole, but I chose to just stop with the hole. Totally, totally.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

That's too funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

All right. Well, thanks for hanging out with us on Mom Fuel and Mindset. If today's conversation spoke to you, take it as your reminder that happy moms don't come from doing more, they come from choosing themselves and owning their growth.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

And if you love this episode, please be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another mom who needs a little fuel and a mindset shift today.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Until next time, keep showing up for yourself, keep growing forward, and remember, happy moms own their growth. See you soon.